My Stepmom

Ute in her kitchen, Berlin, 2009.

She is the woman who became the first bridge to my father. Thanks to her, I was able to get to know better my dada. First time I met Ute was in hot summer of 1997. She had a daughter from my father and we all three went to the beach lake here in Berlin. At this time I did not know about them and that this lake would become kind of future bond for us. There would be more summers to come, where we would swim in this lake's cooling waters. Ute worked with many people as psychiatrist and leader for organisation. She is extremely well coordinated and easy to talk to. She can be your mother, friend and teacher, while being on your level. I would be able to discuss many uncomfortable topics with her. Back in this hot summer day we were talking about the future. She was healing after surgery and her sickness in a way was the reason for her to wish me and her daughter to meet. We were half sisters who would become future family. Lissa, my half-sister was still little girl back then, eating pommes and playing in the sand. I was intrigued by her and happy to have her in my life. During such times people come together. Through our lake visits and cooking sessions, I would get to know this ladies.

I remember Ute preparing salads with delicious dressings for us. Her way of cooking, was easy going, which she had developed during her commune living days. We would sit all in kitchen and she would make simple things with some secret twist of hers. Like boiled artichoke with aioli sauce to dip in, or green salad with different ingredients in mustard, olive oil, lemon juice and chicken bouillon flavoring. She was often preparing her own pesto sauces with herbs growing on the top floor balcony. Ute had a thing for cinnamon and vanilla and I could relate to that. She would use vanilla sugar for her coffee and I would love that idea of sweetening my life with vanilla sugar. Later on I would start mixing my coffee also with cinnamon and cardamom. Coffee and tea times were always enriched with music. People, music, dance and cooking are some of the things that her home was always filled with. We would zip wines, while discussing our crazy family topics. This events made it easy for me to connect to her family. Thanks to her way of being open and generous with everyone around her, I integrated rather fast.

Ute visiting me, 2012, Berlin.

Ute had refine jewelry collection from around the world. She often wore two different earrings and lots of stones decorated her neck. I would see her with this blue lapis lazuli stone rings that would become kind of her trademark and matched well with her blue eyes. Lapis Lazuli is associated with leadership, communication, stress relief, creativity and harmony. I thought that her use of stones was almost like strategical, because during conversation the stones would become often focal point for me to look at. She would play with her necklace like Turkish man with his worry beads. Her style was always mixture of modern woman with folklore color elements. She had a thing for flowers and they will be always present in her house arrangements.

All this years I admired her for being able to care for so many people at her work, all the clients calling her on the weekend times and also her family. Feeding all people from hard labor and also surrounding them with understanding. My father is not the easiest person to be around, but she managed to create home of love for everyone with all their challenging differences. Through all this years I have known her, there has never been a moment of sadness or complaint about herself or her sickness. When we would be naked on the nudist lake beach area, she would not be ashamed to show her scar left over there, where once was her breast. She would leave proudly her bodily hairs to grow. She is my sample of free minded and strong woman personality. Her aesthetics are similar to the ones that Frida Kahlo would embody.

Ute's hand

I asked Ute to share with me about her personal life style change after her cancer operation. She told me that after reading many books on the topic, she was readjusting her eating habits. Cutting on certain foods and consuming more of others. Apparently not everything you read and apply can work out well for everyone. For example the volume of natural yogurt she started eating was causing her stomach discomfort. Everything in moderation, because even the healthy stuff can become troubling. Soup of leek, kurkuma and potato was apparently one of the cures she made herself. And when her liver was having hard time to function, she would cover it with cold wet patch and then wrap herself with bigger towel, so the cold would stimulate blood circulation in the liver area. Ute said she had to create one hour for her self every morning, extend her sleeping time and also regularly swim. The lake became her morning friend through warm and colder days. Back to nature, I was thinking that after all this busy city life, nature is the ultimate cure.

Having Ute in my life has been incredible gift. She has supported me all this time and I have learned so much from her. I feel that her presence had contributed to my deeper understanding of the human psyche and especially of my father's stigma. I still feel his side missing in my life, because he has never been too active to make that connection. Regardless of this, I am truly blessed to have second mother in my life.

My mothers and Krüme the cat in morning breakfast discussion, 2002 Berlin.

Ute's secrets:
https://awesomeberlin.net/best-lakes-berlin-2017
https://www.charmsoflight.com/lapis-lazuli-healing-properties
https://www.sproutedkitchen.com/home/2012/5/3/simple-artichokes-garlic-aioli.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/24/dining/a-salad-dressing-recipe-to-rule-them-all.html
https://www.thewholesomedish.com/garlic-herb-vinaigrette-salad-dressing/
https://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=2489275
https://www.psinergyhealth.com/natural-health-modalities/moist-heat-liver-pack/
https://wellnessmama.com/35671/castor-oil-packs/
https://blog.dana-farber.org/insight/2018/02/probiotics-can-help-cancer-patients/
https://www.bbvaopenmind.com/en/how-to-beat-cancer-with-yogurt-bacteria/